Everything I Could Never Tell You
May this letter find you and the feelings that somehow lost their way home to you.
It was nice meeting you and knowing your name and you. If someone would ask me what’s the momentous moment my life has ever had, it was when you noticed and talked to me, and that dance we had back in 5th grade. I’d say that moment was an unexpected one and on the spur of a moment, you became that guy full of unexpectedness and made my heart and mind go erratic. Your actions always made me feel deeply astonished.
You’re the dream guy of every girl in our school. The genius kid of the class, the face of the class. While I was a nothing but a struggling transferee student. I studied hard to be on top so you’d finally notice. It was worth it. Everyone noticed me including you. You were so friendly to me I can’t help but feel giddy.
It’s time you must know how everytime you appear in my mind, my heart feels like a sea full of waves. I have denied it a hundred times, and yet every time I do it just get deeper.
I like you.
I still do, even if eight years have already passed.
I like you as the sky that has no moon but still carries in itself the lights of million stars. The thought of you lightens the darkness in me, letting me enjoy the tranquility of life even in solitude.
Out of all the voices I’ve heard, your voice was the only one I remembered. I still remember your funny jokes, your laughter, your smile, and mostly, you. You’re always here in my mind, constantly bugging me whenever it want to. And out of all the dreams I have dreamt, you’ve already entered the door to my dreamland countless of times.
It’s funny for me that I am doing this, no matter how cheesy and cliché it may seem. I wrote this for the reason that I have no courage of telling all of this to you personally. Yes, I am still coward little girl I have always been. But I thought that, somehow, if I do this it would at least help me to move forward without getting tormented by these unreciprocated feelings. Because at some point in my life, I realized that you never looked at me the same way I look at you. It’s time I stop all these nonsense and move forward.
If you happen to see and read this (though I know you won’t), I hope you know that you are the one I am talking about in this letter (though there’s a lot of people with the same name as you) and I want you to know that this letter is for you. Thank you for appearing in the few chapters of my life. Thank you for the rollercoaster ride of emotions you made me feel, I had a blast!
"If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me." - W. H. Auden