Three summers ago, I met you.
Do you still remember our first words to each other? If you do, can you remind me what they were—if it ever happens that our paths would cross again someday?
Because I think, I am slowly forgetting everything about you.
I am slowly forgetting your voice that once gave butterflies to my stomach. Your voice which I treat the same way I treat the sunrise. Like the sunrise that I always look forward to seeing after a long night of complete darkness, I always look forward to hearing your voice after a long exhausting day of battling through life. I am slowly forgetting the voice that once brought tranquility to my solitude.
I couldn’t remember your face anymore. I couldn’t picture you in my mind anymore. Maybe because, I never got the chance to memorize every corner of your face. I never got the chance to know if you have a mole on your face. Do you, though? If yes, is it on your nose? Under your eyes or your brows? Maybe on your cheeks? I wish, when I was given the opportunity to memorize every corner of your face, I took it. Because I think, I will live the rest of my life regretting not grabbing the opportunity the world gave to me.
What does your smile looks like again? Though, there’s still a fragment of your memories that’s still left inside of me. I can still picture your eyes forming like two crescent moon whenever you smile or laugh. If we ever meet again, can you smile for me? I want to see it again and forever engrave it in my mind like a tattoo, so that even if time flies by, it would still be there like it was just engraved yesterday.
Our memories together. What were they again? Because, I am slowly forgetting them as days went by of helping myself letting go of our every almost, what-if and what-could-have-been. As I help myself let go of the guilt and regrets, I noticed that I am also slowly letting go of every moment that we shared with each other. Memories that I promised myself two summers ago to never be erased by time. Memories that I thought I would be able to keep inside of me for eternity, no matter where I go or who I meet along the way.
When did we first met again? I am sure it was before summer three years ago, right? Or maybe it was on my birthday of the same year? Or maybe, it happened on the year that I found out you liked me? I don’t know. All I know is that during those years, it was still my name that you would say whenever you were asked who’s that one girl you really liked.
That’s why…
I am sorry. Forgive me for forgetting everything about you. Forgive me for letting myself forget you, for forgiving myself after leaving you like a dust that drifts along with the wind. Forgive me because I am finally allowing myself to let go of the guilt that have kept me from moving forward, guilt that kept me believing I would wake up one day to your call asking to give our almost the second chance to become an absolute, guilt that kept me locked up in the illusion that you still love me.
I am sorry. Forgive me for finally having the courage to steal the key of the cage of our past. Forgive me for finally allowing myself to open my wings and follow the whispers of the wind, letting me fly into the sky of new possibilities reaching for the cloud nine. Forgive me for leaving behind the past that have anchored me down, not being able to sail free into the horizon of new beginnings. Forgive me for finally letting myself ride the waves of our present lives to make up for the time I couldn’t tame the waves of our past that have knocked me off, almost drowning me.
Forgive me, love, for forgetting you.
However…
Worry not, my love. For even though I could not remember your face, your smile, or even your voice, I can still remember your name. I would never forget the name of the person who once shown me what it feels like to be loved by someone with no pretense and doubts. I would never forget the name of the person who gave me pure and unwavering love. Love that is so gentle and caring. Love that I believe, transcends time and will live on for eternity.
Your name is infinitely etched in my mind and my heart, my love. The same way the love you have shown and given to me even for only a short period of time, which will live on for many moons. I hope you know that. If we meet again, I hope to say your name with so much ease and care while a genuine smile is plastered on our faces. I hope to hear you say my name too, if it’s alright with you.
Moon. Maybe it’s the moon that is making me emotional tonight. There’s no moon tonight, my love. Tonight is the 29th of February of the year 2024 and the sky feels empty even though there are so many stars so bright to lighten it up. Just like us, even though I am happy that I am finally setting myself free from the guilt and regrets, I still feel empty. I feel empty because I couldn’t remember the person who I once considered as my moon anymore.
My love, tonight is the last night of the month of February. The night that we will only have again after four years. I hope to see you again after four years. After four years, let’s greet each other again the usual ‘Hi’ and ‘Hello’ with a smile on our faces like old friends. And maybe then, you will remind me again of how we first met three summers ago. Or maybe, I shall be the one to remind you that. Just to reminisce, like old acquaintances.
“You were mine for the summer, now we know it’s nearly over.”
Ps: Listen to Summer Love by One Direction. Or Our Beloved Summer official soundtrack, too. Such a beautiful song!
