Right Where You Left Me — except it’s I instead of You and You instead of Me

Still sitting in the corner I haunt

soberara
4 min readDec 30, 2023
Photo from Pinterest

Friends break up, friends get married

When did it occur to me that I was sitting at this table for a long time now?

I had no idea.

I was too preoccupied with the feeling I felt when I first walked in and sat at the table you chose for us. The aftertaste of the menu you used to order for me still lingers. It never leaves.

Trends change, rumors fly through new skies

I was wrapped up in the thought of you that I failed to notice the changes around me.

The restaurant changed.

But I’m right where you left me

The menu served to me has gone cold already. The ice on my favorite pineapple juice has melted. The chimes on the door stopped ringing. The once packed place became empty and quiet.

It’s finally closing time.

But I’m still here, unmoving.

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

How come I was the one still stuck in here with no way of standing up and leaving?

When I was the first one to leave.

When the restaurant served me a menu that was new to me, I got intimidated. The service offered was something I never experienced before. Maybe because I have never been to many other restaurants before this.

And even though they did not mean to, I felt uncomfortable while sitting at the table. Too uncomfortable to even allow myself to savor the moment. Everything felt very alien to me.

And so, I left — a misguided decision ruled by an impulsive thought.

While the restaurant was busy preparing the next menu in the full-course meal they offered, I left the table and ran through the door. I hailed a taxi and while inside, I never looked back.

I did not regret it.

Or so I thought.

Time went on for everybody else, she won’t know it

Time passed and I realized I was never able to pay and say my gratitude to the restaurant after not finishing the meal.

So, I went back.

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Before opening the door of the restaurant, questions suddenly started flooding inside my head.

Will they welcome me back even after what I did?

Are they still offering the same menu?

Is the full-course meal they offered me still available?

Is the table they chose for me when I first walked in still reserved for me?

Questions that only that same restaurant would be able to answer.

And, so I opened the door to find out.

Break-ups happen everyday, you don’t have to lose it

The answers to my questions became evident the longer I stayed at the restaurant: meals gone cold, ice on juice melted, tables filled with people were now vacant, and the once loud and decorated restaurant became bare and gloomy.

It was never the same anymore.

And you’re sitting in front of me

While I am still stuck in the memories of my past with this restaurant, our present doesn't align anymore.

While I am still stuck in the same location where the restaurant used to be, you finally found a new place to serve your menu.

While I am still stuck in the corner sitting at the table where we used to be, you finally found a better customer who loves your menu more than I did.

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want

Flickering lights, dim atmosphere, and chairs and tables covered in dust. In the middle was me who remained unmoving for too long. Drowning in the ocean of regrets, what-ifs and what-could-have-been.

What if I did not let my impulsive thoughts win and instead stayed?

Will I be able to taste the rest of the full-course meal the restaurant offered?

What if I did not let myself be intimidated by the services offered?

What if I let myself be comfortable enough to savor the moment? Would I be able to notice the beauty the restaurant used to have?

If only I let myself roam my eyes around and appreciate its beauty.

If only I let myself savor the taste of the meal served at the table.

Would I still leave without a word?

You told me that you met someone

The place that was once filled with sweetness and love shared by the restaurant and its favorite customer have long been gone.

It is now filled with bittersweet feelings shared alone by the customer the restaurant used to love.

Glass shattered on the white cloth

I stayed here for a long time now. Maybe it’s time I should leave too.

The world outside of this abandoned restaurant continued moving forward. Seasons changed, some playgrounds became rusty, and yet I’m still here waiting for someone who — along with seasons and places that change — changed too.

I guess I, just like the world, should continue moving forward too.

Everybody moved on

No matter how many times I wish to turn back the time to right my wrongs and mistakes, I just can’t.

I just know that in the absence of closure, regrets and what-ifs will forever haunt and torture me.

I may have left the restaurant for good, the ghost of it will follow me wherever I go: in different restaurants, in parks, in the corner of my room, or in my sleep.

I may have moved forward, but I never moved on.

The restaurant is an enigma that will forever haunt me. It’s a magnet that will forever pull me back to where it used to be. To where I used to be.

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soberara

i wish i could fly, i’d pick you up and we go back in time