To be loved is to be known

But, what if I am my biggest unknown?

soberara
4 min readJun 14, 2024
Photo from Pinterest

Being on social media most of the time, I have read a lot of writers write their own essays or poems about the phrase “to be loved is to be known”. As well as, I have watched countless TikTok videos of different people enumerating love actions that their partners do just to describe and explain what it truly means when they say “to be loved is to be known”.

It is such a wondrous thing to know that after all the heart wrenching and heart breaking stories of love that I have read or even witnessed, there are still people who are experiencing the purest form of love everyone deserves to have. The type of love that makes your heart beat another ten thousand times.

Imagine the feeling of having someone who knows everything about you — the big things and the small things that make you, you. To be loved is to know every little detail of yourself by that someone.

But what if I don’t know myself? Would it make people love me less? Because apparently, “to be loved is to be known”. Does that mean that I also have to have a knowledge about myself? Because how would people know what you like or dislike if you don't even know your own self?

If they asked you what is your favorite food and you answered “I don't know”, how would they even know? Will they find it hard to love you now because you are unknown to them the same way you are unknown to yourself? Will they still love you even if you don't know yourself?

I think if a person truly loves you — whether it’s a familial, platonic, or romantic type of love and relationship — they’ll love you for who and what you are even if you don’t know much about yourself.

To be loved is to be known, yes, but to be loved is also to be seen. How you see yourself is different from how other people see you. You might be surprised to read this, but there are people in your life who know even the smallest details of you as a person that even yourself doesn’t know about. And when they tell you those tiny details that would make you say, “Really? I do that?” or “Really? I liked/loved that?”.

Beeing seen by people is a wonderful thing. Because that’s when people finally starts to know you, when they see you. When you thought no one notice you for who you are, there comes people who have been looking at you and you just didn’t noticed until you finally decided to look around. They see through you — how you act and react in every little happenings in your life. They know you because they see you and they see you because they love you.

To be loved is to be studied. Even if you don’t even know yourself, those who love you know that each new day is always a great opportunity to learn something new about the person they love — you. To be loved is to be studied, which means to be seen and to be seen means to be known. To be loved is to be known.

How lovely it is to know that someone — a family member, a friend, or a lover — knows that you love the color pink or blue that when they go shopping and saw a pink or blue bracelet or bag, they will buy it even if they do not like the color because they bought it for you.

Or when you go on a food trip, they’ll buy you takoyaki and matcha drink even if they do not like the taste of those two because they saw how your eyes sparkle everytime you eat them.

Or when you attend a birthday party, they’ll hold your hands and never leave your side to make you feel safe with them because they notice how you always tap your fingers on your thighs whenever you’re anxious or nervous on crowded places.

Or when you are silent because you are sad, they’ll immediately offer you a hug even if you didn't tell them anything. They already know because they know you as someone who is loud and always smiling and laughing, that seeing you quiet makes them think something is wrong.

How lovely it is to be loved by someone who knows every little things that makes you who you are your actions, the things that you like and dislike, the things that get you excited, your happy self, your sad self, your angry self, or even your confuse self. Whatever it is that makes you yourself, they will love it unconditionally.

Because to be loved is to be known even if you are unknown to yourself. And I think, that is the purest form of love a human could ever receive and also, give.

Written: April 8, 2024

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